Alexis Gordan revised
by Kassie Madison
Summary: This is a little tweaked version of the Alexis Gordan story.
1. Chapter 1: New Shcool

Chapter One: New School

"Alexis Maria Gordan! Are you ready yet?" my aunt, Shelley, yells up the stairs.

I take one last look at the old gray cap that used to be on his head, shoved it in the back of my closet, and scream back, "Yeah Auntie Shelley! I'll be right down!"

I quickly threw on some skinny jeans and a gray T-shirt, pulled my black hair into a high pony tail, smeared some eyeliner around my slate blue eyes, and my purple Converse. I sprint down the stairs, say "I love you" to Auntie Shelley and head out the door. I climb into my Jeep and drive to my new school, Degrassi.

As I pull around the corner the school was in my eyesight.

_ It looks just like any other school_, I think. I park Gump (I named my car Gump because it was a dark forest green and when I was younger I loved the movie _Forest Gump_).

I grab my backpack from the back seat and enter my new school. I take a look at my schedule and try to memorize it while walking.

_ Okay, first period French, then gifted math, then science, recreation gym, lunch, then advanced eleventh grade English, history, and then health. _

As I turn a corner I bump right into someone and spill my books all over.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry, I'm such a klutz!" I exclaim.

I get on my knees on pick up some of my books. The person picks up the rest of them.

I hear the person say, "Nah, it's okay. I wasn't watching where I was going."

I stand up to see who it was. It was a guy with a gray beanie on, he had brown hair that was slightly tinted red, he wore a plaid shirt with a long-sleeve white shirt underneath that was pushed up to his elbows, but his amazing clear blue eyes is what stood out.

He stuck out his hand. "I'm Adam Torres."

I shook his hand. "Alexis Gordan. I just moved in with my auntie Shelley a few days ago so I'm new."

"Nice to meet you, Alexis." He smiles at me and his blue eyes sparkle.

I could feel a smile pulling on my lips. "You too, Adam."

We stand there for a little longer, but then I begin to walk away.

I hear him say behind me, "Uh, Alexis?"

I turn on one heal. "Yeah?"

"Do you want to eat lunch with me and my friends?" he asks sounding a bit unsure. He's so damn hot!

"Yeah, defiantly," I answer.

"Okay, cool. What do you have before lunch?"

"Recreation gym."

"Really? Me too! I guess I'll see you there." He rubs his hand on the back of his neck.

"'Course."

I turn around again and head to French. I'm liking this new school.


	2. Chapter 2: The Waltz

Chapter Two: The Waltz

I enter recreation gym and a let out a sigh of relief when I see Adam already sitting down. I don't know why, but I didn't actually think that he was going to be in this class.

_That's crazy, Alexis. Why would he lie to you? _I shake my thoughts away and go sit next to him.

"Hey," I whisper sitting down.

"Hey, how was your first few classes at Degrassi?" he asks.

I look in his blue eyes. God I could just get lost in his forever!

I realize that I still haven't answered his question yet, that I'm just staring blankly in his eyes.

"Oh, uh, they've been great," I say quickly.

He gives me a full smile, showing off his perfectly white teeth while chuckling a little. Before he could say anything the teacher walks in.

"Okay, class. Today we will be learning the waltz, so choose your partners!" he explains wearing his thick accent like a necklace.

Adam bumps his knee against mine. "What do you say? Wanna be partners?"

I nod. "Yeah, defiantly."

He stands up and sticks out his hand. I grab it and he pulls me up.

A girl with extra curly dark brown hair, who I've heard been called Bianca, walks over to us.

She gives me a once over and says, "You might want to watch out of this one, he's actually a-"

Her words get cut off when the teacher yells at her, "Bianca! Choose a partner now or go to principle Simpson's office."

She rolls her eyes, muttering, "Whatever" under her breath and walks away.

I look back at Adam to find his jaw tightened and his clear blue eyes clouded over with anger. His eyes are fixated on glaring at Bianca.

I turn his head so that he's looking at me. "Hey, who cares what she says? She's just some bitch that wants attention, I bet."

His face softens as his murmurs," Yeah, you're right."

The teacher explains what to do, "Okay gentlemen put your right hand on the ladies' waist and ladies gently place your left hand on the gentlemen's shoulder. Then the spare hands come together, just below eyesight."

I could feel my heart speed up and it's beating so loud I think that Adam could hear it, too. The teacher tells us to start and as Adam and I move all I can think about is how his lips would feel on mine…

"Great job today! You are dismissed!" the teacher calls and everybody breaks apart and starts to head for lunch.

I grab my backpack.

I hear somebody whisper in my ear, "Ready to go?"

Slowly I turn around and find Adam so close, not even two inches away from me.

Suddenly the air gets really hot and I say breathlessly, "Uh, yeah."

We walk to where he sits at lunch, his friends are already waiting.

"This is Eli and Clare. Eli, Clare this is Alexis," Adam introduces us.

"Hey." I give a small wave and sit next to Adam, opposite of Clare.

"Oh, yeah, you're in my gifted math class, right?" Clare asks.

"Yeah, I think so."

As lunch goes on I find that Eli and Clare are together, Eli's a total smartass, Clare's funny and smart, and that they're all in eleventh grade advanced English. Thank God that Clare is a tenth grader in that class, too.

"So, are you some amazing writer?" Eli asks sarcastically.

"Well…I know that I'm better than you," I say all innocent-eyed.

"Ouch," Eli replies pretending to look taken back, "You got one smartass chick here, Adam."

Adam looks at me and smiles. "I know."

I could feel my cheeks warm and I look down at my hands.

"Well, I have to get to my locker. Walk me to it, Eli?" I hear Clare question.

"'Course, m'lady," he answers.

They walk back into the school leaving just Adam and me.

"Alexis?"

I look over at Adam and he seems nervous. "Yeah, Adam?"

He rubs his hand on the back of his neck. "I really like you."

"You know that we just met today, right?" I ask.

"Yeah…but I…I just really like you," he admits.

Oh, God, I really like you, too. Is what I wanna say, but I know I can't afford having anyone get close.

I stand up quickly. "Uh, well, I have to go. Uh, sorry."

I run off into the school and into the girls' bathroom. As I open the stall door I fall to the ground and pull out the necklace that I always keep with me.

_God, K, where are you? _


	3. Chapter 3: K, K, and More K

Chapter Three: K, K, and more K

My eyes are closed. Everything's black around me, but pictures poke through like the suns' rays in a shadowed, dark ally.

_Beautiful slate blues, so much like mine, but they're empty, no feelings, nothing alive in them. Black hair, the only difference between mine and theirs' is that theirs' is curly and mine is strait. She wears a purple dress and Mom's twirling her around. She's in tears. They aren't noticeable to anybody but me. She hates the dress, always have. _

_ The little girl fades. Again those beautiful slate blue eyes return, except they're alive and happy, shinning even. Black hair in a buzz cut. Wearing jeans and a baggy hoodie with a gray beanie. _

_ Oh, how my miss my sister and my brother. Kayeleigh, Kyle, where are you? _

"Alexis?" I hear someone call my name.

My eyes flutter open and I'm back in the stall at Degrassi.

"Alexis?" the voice calls again.

I can't move, don't want to. I look down at my arm, it stings, I don't know why. Then, I see blood, _my_ blood, I'm holding a razor in my right hand, and the star necklace with an aquamarine stone in the middle in my left.

_God, why did I do it again? I promised Auntie Shelley no more! _

Someone pushes open the stall door, it's Clare.

She sees the blood and her eyes grow wide. "Alexis! What did you do?"

I shrug, get up, push past her, grab a paper towel, and leave.

Miss. Oh, my media emersion teacher, is out in the hall. "Ms. Gordan? What are you doing?"

I walk right past her and out of the school. I get into Gump and drive away not caring how deep in shit I am. I guess this is just one of those 'out of body' moments, where it feels like your mind is disconnected from your body and it seems like you're on the outside looking in.

I had no clue where my mind was taking me. That was until I found myself parked just outside the woods. I get out of Gump and walk the familiar trail.

The old tree house stands in front of me. I climb the tree and enter the tree house. Our drawings still cover all the walls. Mom helped us draw. That was just a few months before she died of breast cancer. K started to fall more apart after Mom died. Dad became a jackass that beat on his kids to make himself feel better and Sam, my other brother, was fallowing in Daddy's footsteps.

I lean on the wall and fall down. My eyes close again and visions, pictures, memories fly.

_"Alexie, you can't tell anyone, please." K begged. _

_ "I won't Kayeie," I promised. Being only eight I didn't understand, but as the years grew on I did. _

_ "Alexis, tell K that I love him not matter what. I always have known and it's okay. Tell him that," Mom begged on her death bed. _

_ "I will, Mom," I promised. _

_ He came down, Dad freaked out when he saw him. "You aren't going to be some queer, not under my roof!" _

_ Dad hit him. I could feel every blow that he felt. I screamed, tried to get him to stop, Sam held me back. _

_ He scampered off like a beat-up dog with his tail between his legs. _

_ He came down again, in front of all my friends. Everybody laughed, screamed, "Freak! Queer! Faggot! Weirdo!" _

_ He ran off again. Into the woods. I made everyone leave. Waited for him to come back. He never did. He left forever. _

K was my twin. We were born five minutes apart. I was born on March 31st at 11:55 pm. K was born on April 1st at 12:00 am.

Tears came bursting out of my eyes, like a waterfall they fell all over my cheeks. I fell on my side and curled up into a ball.

I was afraid to close my eyes, but they grew heavy. When they did shut everything stayed black, no visions, pictures, or memories.

There was one stray though, though…

_Maybe, I can trust Adam… _


	4. Chapter 4: Trust Takes Practice

Chapter Four: Trust Takes Practice

I walk out of the forest and get into Gump. It's 7:15 pm. I stayed in the tree house forever. I walk into my house.

When I shut the door Auntie Shelley sprints out to me and wraps me in a huge hug. "Where have you been? I've been so worried!"

I hug her tight while saying, "I'm so sorry, Auntie Shelley! I just, so much happened at school and I couldn't take it and then I went to visit the tree house and…God, it was like a roller coaster today! I was happy then sad."

She pulled back to look at me. "Go get into your PJs and I'll be right up with some of my special mocho coco hot chocolate."

I nod. "Okay."

I enter my room and something hits me. I'm calling this _my_ room in _my_ house. This has become my home. And thank God for that. My home was never in Winnipeg, the only time it was, was when K was there, but ever since he left, it became a strangers home, where only strangers lived, not my family.

I slip on some of my sweat pants and a purple tank. I take my journal out from under my bed.

_Dear K, _

_ Today was…unreal. I guess that's how I can put it. So, I went to Degrassi and I met this guy named Adam Torres. God, K, he's so hot! He has redish-brown hair and he wears a cute beanie and his sexy bangs hang to the side. He's just a little taller then me, and he has these BREATHTAKING and AMAZING clear blue eyes that always sparkle. _

_ He told me that he really liked even though we just met today and, K, I really like him, too! You know that I fall for guys fast, but I can't have Adam get close. If I tell him about you and about Dad he'll just leave me like Steven did when I told him. I can't go through that hurt again, K, I just can't! _

_ But, maybe his nothing like Steven. Maybe I can trust him. He seems so sincere and thoughtful and…sweet. God, K, I just don't know what to do. _

_ Well, I hear Auntie Shelley coming up. _

_I love you. _

_ Keep watching me. _

_ Alexie… _

I put my journal back under my mattress as I hear a knock on my door.

"Come in," I say and snuggle under my covers.

"Hey, baby girl," Auntie Shelley says coming in with a tray with two mugs filled with her special hot chocolate filled to the brim and a bunch of whipped cream on top.

She sits down carefully and I take a mug. We both take a sip and when we come up for air we have whipped cream mustaches. We start laughing and smiling like crazy. Oh, how I love my auntie Shelley.

She sits the tray and her mug down on my nightstand and looks at me with her dark brown eyes serious. "Okay, Alexis, time to tell me what happened."

All the joyfulness slowly drains out of me as I place my mug down too. "So, I met this guy named Adam Torres and he's like really, _really_ cute and he's so nice and thoughtful and sweet. He told me that he really liked me, and Auntie Shelley, I really like him too, but I'm so afraid of somebody getting close. I mean when I told Steven about K and Dad he freaked and broke up with me. I don't want that to happen again." I start to sniffle and tears stream down my face.

Auntie Shelley pulls me to her like I was a little kid again and whispers in my hair, "Baby girl, you can't let what Steven and your dad did to you affect all of your relationships."

I wipe me nose and mutter in a quivering voice, "There's more."

"Then, tell me," she whispers while stroking my hair.

"When…when he told me that he really liked me I…I freaked out and ran off into the bathroom. Auntie Shelley I'm so sorry! I…I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what I was thinking, please don't be mad at me, but I…I…cut again…I swear to God that it wasn't that deep, it was barley anything! I didn't even bleed that much!" I cry out.

Auntie Shelley holds me tighter. "It's okay, I'm not mad, just promise that this was the last time."

I look up at her and nod. "I promise."

"Okay, now go on," she pushes.

I take in a deep breath and continue, "Clare, one of Adam's friends, found me in the stall, but I just walked out and left the school. Then, I drove to our old tree house and I must've fallen asleep. And then I came home."

Auntie Shelley hugs me tighter. "Lexi, baby girl, you can trust Adam. I bet you can! It's just…trust takes practice."

We talk for a while longer and then she leaves me to sleep. I fall asleep thinking about what she said.

_Trust takes practice. Trust takes practice. Trust takes practice… _


	5. Chapter 5: Card House Dreamer

***Card House Dreamer by This Providence!***

* * *

Chapter Five: Card House Dreamer

_I thought I had everything under control.  
I couldn't have been more wrong.  
I thought I held my world in my hands.  
Until it broke and I awoke from this foolish dream_.

I slowly wake up and press the 'stop' button on my I-Home. I take a quick shower only thinking about Adam. I get dressed and let me hair fall loosely along my shoulders. I make my way downstairs, say goodbye to Auntie Shelley, and drive to Degrassi.

Thoughts cloud over my head.

_ I can try to trust Adam, can't I? We seemed to have a real connection… something, real. I don't want to throw that away, do I? Of course I don't. I would be a complete idiot if I did. _

I drive Gump into Degrassi and park him. I see Adam at the table we ate lunch yesterday, probably waiting for Eli and Clare.

I get out of Gump and go up to him.

He looks up and stands saying, "Hey, you might've hear that I'm…things about me and that's why you might not feel the same way I do, but, Alexis, I-"

I cut him off by saying, "Adam, I really like you, too. Yesterday, we had a connection, but…I have things in my past…really bad, dark things, and when I told my last boyfriend, Steven, about them he dropped me on the spot. I haven't been able to trust any guy since, but I wan to try to trust you."

Relief masks over his amazing blue eyes and he smiles. "So, what do we do?"

I shrug. "I'm not sure."

Something twinkles in his eyes as he leans forward. "We could maybe start out with this."

Then, he lips press against mine. I kiss him back. The kiss was short, but it was sweet and a great first kiss.

I feel myself blush and I look down to my hands. He places his hand beneath my chin and lifts my head. We sit there looking into each others' eyes. And then he leans forward and kisses me again.

This kiss was longer than the first and held more passion. He pulls me closer and I tangle my hands in his hair.

A grunt behind us lets us know that we weren't alone. We break away and find Clare and Eli staring at us wide-eyed. I feel a blush taking over my cheeks.

Adam takes me hand and interlocks his with mine.

"Hey, Adam and Alexis," Clare says unsure.

Eli laughs. "God, Saint Clare, we only saw them kissing, not doing the dirty!"

"Eli! Shut up!" she exclaims hitting him on the chest.

They sit down opposite of Adam and I.

Eli winks at Adam.

"So, are you guys like boyfriend, girlfriend now?" Eli asks sounding like a total girl and trying to mimic one.

I look over at Adam and back at Eli and answer, "Defiantly."

I turn my head to Adam to see his eyes sparkle with happiness.

"Well, Alexis, it's your second day here and you already have a boyfriend, that's awesome," Clare says acting more like herself.

"Hey, I was new here, and I got you in a month, " Eli gloats.

Clare looks at him and says sarcastically, "And how you did that, I don't know."

He takes offense and says, "My charm and good looks, of course."

She rolls her eyes and says, "Yeah, okay, think what you want."

He pulls her to him and she giggles as he starts to tickle her. God, they were cute.

Adam looks at me and says with his eyes, "Let's get out of here."

I nod and we leave. Adam takes me down to the ally-like area between the school and fence.

He looks at me and I go up and kiss him. God, I like him so much! Is it possible to like a person this much and not even know them?

He presses me up against the school's brick wall and I let his tongue slid into my mouth. Suddenly it wasn't his soft hands that held me, they rough and hairy, and his mouth wasn't soft against mine anymore, it was hungry and needing. I push Adam away and _he_ goes away too.

"What?" Adam asks confused.

"Another dark secret of mine," I explain.

"I have a few of those, too," he says understanding. "Alexis…I want to tell you something before anybody else does. Do you think you could skip today and we can trade secrets?"

I look down and this about his question. I want him to know my secrets, but they might be the end of us…


End file.
